5 Darkness Falls Page 27

  No words were needed; just the feel of him against me, just the unbarred look into his soul through his emerald eyes was enough. Love was perfect, but lovers weren’t. We were the ones that marred love's purity with discrimination, with politics, with insecurities. I felt it deep down, I saw it reflected in his eyes; assurance rocked me. I didn’t love Kellan; I was in love with Kellan. I was one with Kellan. There was little perfection in our world today, but one thing I knew for sure was that Kellan is perfect for me. I couldn’t wait to spend every day of forever with him, allowing every day to be the proof of our commitment.

  Love isn’t just a word; it’s a series of feelings, a series of actions that define your use of the word and a level of existence that embodies your commitment to the word.

  “I love you.” I leaned up to kiss his lips.

  “I mean every word. I love you.” He cupped my face; I felt the tremble of his emotions through his limbs.

  Marrying Kellan was nothing short of magical. I felt so lucky to have him. We didn’t have a perfect past, but I knew without a doubt that we were committed to a better future.

  Chapter 40

  We laughed and partied with the company of guests. Everyone danced and celebrated with us, even Laurence and Felipe. They celebrated us in a way they never had before. Everyone ought to have this experience. Everyone is entitled to experience this.

  Shortly after midnight, we all went outside. It seemed like the stars were dancing in the sky above us now as we stood beneath them. I’d saved the orchids, candles and jars of sand Kai had left. I’d given every wedding attendee one. In unison we lit the candles and illuminated the shoreline. One by one, we laid the orchids in the water, allowing the tide to sweep them out to sea. We scattered the sand along the beach, representing the spreading his ashes, symbolizing us bringing a part of Kai and his life back in Charleston home to Hawaii for him.

  Tears stung my eyes as I reached out and squeezed Kalel’s hand before releasing it. Francesca was tucked into his other side, much like I was in Kellan’s. He smiled pensively and turned back to the ocean. I knew this was a bittersweet moment. It was my way of honoring Kai, of validating his contribution to our lives, to my relationship with Kellan.

  The salty tears rolled down my face as I looked out at the floating orchids. They say that for every life taken, another is given. Mother Earth is all about balance; our lives are cyclical with a beginning and an end that brings us fully around, that gives us the chance to reflect on our journey starting at the beginning.

  Kalel was there from beginning to end. I was selfish to have stolen his chance to properly grieve his brother. I glanced over at him. He’d been so strong, a solid rock for me when I should have been that for him.

  I let go of Kellan and grabbed Kalel’s hand again. I met Francesca’s gaze, asking her permission. She glanced at Kalel before looking back at me. She nodded her head once and released him.

  I led Kalel into the ocean. We waded out until we caught up with the orchids. I turned our bodies so we faced the shore. It was even more breathtaking from the new vantage point.

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Kalel. I’m sorry that you lost your brother, your best friend and the last of your family.”

  I chanced a hurried look at him. He was clenching his teeth, flexing his jaw as he surveyed the shore. While his eyes pointed at the shore and his ears were listening to my words, I knew his mind was wandering. I saw the emptiness in his eyes despite what was in front of him; the tension in his body despite what was surrounding him.

  I jerked him towards me, grabbing his other hand so both of ours were connected. “Close your eyes.” He hesitated, but complied. I closed my eyes. “Take a deep breath; inhale the scent of the salty ocean. Catch the hint of coconut that will quickly follow it. Kai always smelled woodsy and earthy, but it was this smell that defined him for me.”

  I took another breath. “Listen to the palm trees rustling in the wind and the waves crashing on the shore. Every day I went to the lake house I heard these sounds coming from his bedroom; these were the sounds of home to him. They were his comfort.”

  I opened my eyes. Silent tears were streaming down Kalel’s face. “He’s all around us, Kalel. And do you know what we’re all leaving in the sand right now? Footprints. He took a part of us with him, Kalel, but he made sure to leave a part of himself behind for us whenever we need him, whenever we miss him. We can never replace him; we’ll never forget him. But that's exactly his point. The ocean isn’t going to disappear, but hopefully, the hole in our hearts will slowly be filled. New footprints are made in this sand every day. Every day we need to take new strides, and we’ll do it together.”

  Kalel’s eyes flickered open and immediately met mine. “You’re never truly prepared.” His voice was weak, the weight of his pain crushing him.

  I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his body shake, felt the quivering of his silent sobs. I now understood how helpless Kellan must have felt. How unbearable the pain is to watch someone suffer and know there is nothing you can do about it. To know there is so much you want to do, yet nothing you are capable of doing. Sometimes we have to accept that being there is enough. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it offers immediate comfort in spite of it.

  After a few minutes, Kalel disentangled himself from me. He flashed a small smile. “I can see why he loved you.”

  I chuckled. “You won’t be loving me when I send you the bill for this wedding dress, which has been ruined by the saltwater.”

  “Egh. It’s a small price to pay.” He grew serious. “Thanks, Leka.”

  Hearing the name, he called me while being surrounded by him in every element was difficult. I put on a brave face, smiling in spite of the stinging in my chest. “As much as I love the view of the shoreline from here, it’s a little spooky to be standing in the middle of the ocean so late at night.”

  He laughed at me. “Come on. I wouldn’t want your new husband to think I’m making passes at you in the water. He’s become quite the assassin.”

  I looked at Kellan, pride soaring through me. “I know.” He’d been amazing the day we’d lost Kai. He was a different man, a better vamp.

  Kalel hugged me again once we reached the shore and kissed my cheek. “Don’t let the past rob you of your joy today. Kai would want you smiling, not crying today.”

  “Thanks, Kalel.”

  He nodded, and headed back to his future wife. Francesca immediately enveloped him, capturing his lips. I looked away and focused on my own future. Kellan watched me carefully a few feet away. His hands were stuffed in his khaki pant pockets; his gaze never deviated from me.

  I stood frozen in the sand, lost in him. His white shirt hung untucked. Several buttons undone at the top revealed his smooth chest. His jaw line held hard angles, leading to soft lips. His emerald eyes twinkled in the moonlight. So much emotion was wrapped in his voice; so much love was radiating off my strong vampire husband.

  He moved a single hand, stretching it out towards me. The beginnings of a smile curled the corners of his lips as he considered me.

  I closed the distance between us, all too willing to be in his grip. This was home; wherever we were in the world, as long as I was with Kellan, I was home. As long as I had Kellan, I would always have comfort; I would always have hope. He was my safety net. He was my fortress of strength when I was depleted. He was my rock, my heart, the life riveting my soul. He was my soul mate. He wasn’t perfect, but he was perfect for me.

  Lovers aren’t perfect, but love is. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but a perfect commitment exists. When you love someone like I love Kellan, you’ll fight till the end of the world to keep him; you’ll embrace the word commitment in sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, in the good times and the bad times. You’ll never walk away over angry words, over differences of opinions. You’ll never allow your bond to be severed, your heart to let go, or your soul to be solemn in his presence. Love is recogn
izing that you’re better with someone than without them, and a commitment is embodying your love, never allowing words, actions or sins to destroy it.

  Love is pure. Love is innocent. Love is happiness at its best. Love is easy. Commitment is what takes work. Remaining committed is what takes heart and soul.

  I was only sixteen, but I understood the depths of a marriage. I knew what it would take to survive in a world that strived to divide. I knew without a doubt that Kellan was worth every ounce of effort. To be without him would be like trying to breathe without air. He was embedded in me; his love was what expanded my lungs with each breath, his strength was what pushed me to be the female vampeen I was, and his support was what allowed me to thrive, to take chances and to dive into the ocean unknown.

  I was only sixteen, but I understood that what we had was a once in a lifetime thing. I was only sixteen, but I knew Kellan was my forever. He was the vamp I wanted to spend every day of eternity with. Love doesn’t know age, race, or preference. Love is merely love.

  The beauty of freedom is only viewed when it lives up to its definition. We all have the freedom to change what appears to be concrete. We all have the power to change our destiny, to rewrite our future if we truly strive for it. Nothing is set in stone. While God has a plan for us, an intricately laid out map, containing a destination and a purpose, there are multiple routes we can take to get there. We choose what path we take. We choose. We have the freedom to choose. Kai chose. I chose. Kellan chose.

  Now, it's your turn to choose.

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  Dear Reader,

  This book was an emotional journey for me. I thought long and hard about the plot, about the prophecy and what would be best for the characters. In the end, it wasn’t me who made the decision on who lived or died though. As odd as it may sound, it was the characters who wrote their fates.

  Kai wasn’t always a well-respected character. His single redeeming quality was his love for Leka. It was fitting that he made the ultimate sacrifice out of love. Love will make you do crazy things, but it will also encourage you to do amazing things. No one can ever dispute the depth of his feelings for Lexi after such a selfless act.

  Writing this book forced me to ask myself some hard questions. Penning this book pushed me to take a difficult look at myself. How far am I willing to go for someone I love? How much am I willing to gamble to stand up for, to fight for, something I believe in? What price am I willing to pay to change the changeable? We all must at some point rise above. We all have a choice. Your voice is more powerful than you believe.

  Allow your instincts to guide you, your heart to mold you and your abilities to carry you.

  I’ve learned so much on this writing journey with and through Lexi, and it’s not over yet. Book 6, The Break of Dawn, will be the final book in the series from Lexi’s point of view. It will be arriving in Spring 2013.

  In the meantime, for updates on the Vamp Chronicles series, my other titles, and more, please visit my website at: www.christinlovell.com

  Thank you for your continued support of this series.

  Christin

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  4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

  8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV

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