5 Darkness Falls Page 23

  ***

  Lexi

  I stretched, immediately feeling my baby boy moving inside me. I smiled, bringing my hands down over him.

  I opened my eyes, surprised to find Drexel in the bed beside me. My smile slipped as all that had happened came rushing back to me.

  His brows dipped as he stared at me, taking in every emotion that crossed my face.

  Given his presence, I knew. But I had to ask. “He didn’t come back, did he?”

  “Sorry, sweetie.”

  I took a deep breath, slowly blowing it out. I nodded. “Okay.”

  “You’ve got us though.” Sanders hugged me from behind.

  I jumped. These two really had worked in special ops. I didn’t even realize he was there. I didn’t hear him breathing, didn’t feel his presence. It was as if he sprang from nowhere.

  I chuckled lightly, over my initial shock. “No offense but you two can’t give me what I need.”

  Sanders released me. Drexel kept his eyes intently focused on me. They may be lying in a bed, but they were still on the job.

  “I’m going to take care of my orders for the day then shower.” And just like that the memory swam into focus. I could easily envision Kai, Drexel and Sanders sitting at the barstools, eating their cherry pies.

  Tears pooled in my eyes as I recalled the big smile on Kai’s face when he set down his spoon. He had a look of appreciation; the sparkle in his eyes said he enjoyed every bite. And for just one moment, he seemed free. He wasn’t bogged down by the weight of his responsibilities; he wasn’t a worried friend. He was Kai: a carefree, charismatic, surfer boy from Hawaii.

  I ran my teeth across my bottom lip, trying to keep the tears where they were, but lost the battle. I would never see that look again. I would never see his smile again. I would never feel his arms wrapped around me or his lips pressed to mine. He was really gone.

  And now Kellan was gone too. God. How had I lost them both?

  “Hey.” Drexel’s voice was soft as he used the pads of his thumbs to chase away my tears.

  I laughed a humorless laugh. “I’m so tired of crying.” I pinched my forehead. “I don’t want to cry anymore. I just want the pain to go away.”

  The guys wrapped their arms around me, cradling me from both sides. They didn’t say anything. They just held me. They were there, the way Kai was always there; the way Kellan used to be there.

  “I feel like a blubbering whale.”

  “You’re not, baby girl. I promise you’re not.” Sanders kissed my temple.

  I took a deep breath as Drexel caressed my cheek with one hand. “I need to do something. Kellan may have had bad delivery, but he was right. I can’t wallow forever.”

  “Don’t let him get to you. Everyone grieves in their own way, on their own timeline. Never let anyone rush you through it or else you’ll just bury it rather than face with it.” Drexel’s face was solemn as he regarded me.

  I gazed into his eyes, reading between the lines. “I’ll remember that.”

  I swallowed hard, fearing my serum would rise at any moment. I fidgeted as I looked around the room. Anxiety rushed my pulse. “I’m sorry, guys, but I have to get up and do something.”

  They immediately got up off the bed. Cold air kissed my skin, making me miss the company I’d dismissed, the present, ex and dead ones.

  They watched me closely as I slid to the edge and moved off the bed. No sooner had I stood than a knock sounded on the front door.

  “I’ll get it,” Sanders and Drex said in unison.

  I frowned, eyeing them both. A sinking feeling settled in my gut. As great as they both had been, they were clearly uncomfortable with their new positions in my life.

  “I’ll get it,” Sanders stated, escaping quickly.

  I gave Drexel a wistful smile. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m not going to fall apart without someone.”

  “Are you sure about that?” His tone carried a biting edge.

  I considered him for a moment. “Will I break down and cry from time to time? Yes. But I’m not going to shatter into a million pieces.”

  The bedroom door flew open. A second later I was being squeezed by two sets of arms.

  “Why didn’t you tell me what happened with Kellan? You know I would have come right away,” Mel blurted.

  “It should be obvious why she didn’t tell us. Her eyes are still red and puffy. For a vamp, that means she was crying up until a few minutes ago,” Gabi said.

  “I’m okay, really.”

  They both pulled back and gave me the same look. They clearly didn’t believe me.

  Gabi frowned. “I know you have to be hurting, chica.”

  I shuffled beneath their knowing glances. Why was I so easy to read at the worst times, the times when I really wanted to hide my feelings?

  “Come on, Lex. We’re doing a spa day. You deserve to be pampered, and all the girl talk will distract you from what’s going on.” Mel grabbed my hand and turned me towards the door.

  “Wait. How did you two find out?”

  Mel blushed, giving her shoulders a light shrug. “Kellan showed up at Craig’s.”

  “Oh. Of course.” Well, at least I knew where he went. A small weight lifted off my chest knowing Kellan wasn’t out doing something stupid; too bad the tiny bit of breathing room was immediately crushed by a mountain of longing. I missed him. I missed both of them.

  “Oh, Lex.” Gabi’s eyes softened as she took me in. “Why don’t we order pizza and watch on-demand movies here instead?”

  “Um, yeah. That would be good. I’m sure I have a list of orders to complete.”

  “No, you don’t. Jack shut you down.”

  “What?” My eyes widened as I waited for a good explanation to follow. After all that had happened, it seemed like my business was all I had left at times. It kept me grounded, forced me to get up and do something every day.

  “Lex, please don’t argue with me. It’s for your own good.” She placed a hand on her hip and leaned into me a bit. “You’ve been through a lot lately. You lost two men you loved in the same week. You have a baby on the way. You’re running an army and meanwhile have another army after you. You’re not superwoman or supervamp or whatever the hell you want to think you are. You need to take care of yourself. Kai would have wanted you to take care of yourself.” She inhaled deep, as if to reset herself. “So I had Jack post a note for your customers saying you were going on hiatus for the next six months. That gives you time to get your life together, have your baby and hopefully fix things with Kellan.”

  I couldn’t argue with her. I knew deep down that she was right. I guess I felt like I was failing in so many other parts of my life, that by taking a step back, I’d be letting everyone down again; I’d be failing again.

  I thought about Kellan. God, I missed him. I had this ache in my chest that didn’t lessen; rather, it worsened as each minute ticked by without him. But what kind of example would I be setting for my son if I accepted his outbursts? What did it say about me when he yelled at me in front of someone and I said nothing? What did it say about us when he didn’t take my feelings into consideration before he spoke, before he acted?

  “As hurt as I am, and as much as I miss him, I don’t know if getting back together with Kellan is the best thing for me right now.” Saying the words aloud cemented them in my mind. It was out there. My doubts were on the table.

  I felt Drexel’s hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be in my room, Baby Cakes.” He kissed my head before walking out.

  I faced Mel and Gabi. Their expressions were identical. Stricken. That’s what they were. They couldn’t believe I’d actually said that.

  “I think you should probably give it some time. You’re pregnant; you just lost someone close to you. You’re not yourself.” I could tell Mel was trying to explain away my answer. Based on the fear in her eyes, I knew she was afraid that me and Kellan not working out meant her and Craig wouldn’t either.

  �
��We can’t tell you what to do, but don’t close any doors just yet, okay?” Gabi’s gaze was wistful, hopeful.

  I shook my head in agreement. I had my doubts, but that didn’t mean I’d let go of my faith.

  “Let’s stop thinking about this stuff for now. I’m hungry, and I could definitely use a mental break.” Mel tugged Gabi and me towards the living room.

  At the sight of the closed nursery door I stopped. Happy thoughts and memories of Kai assaulted me. I smiled thoughtfully, rubbing my belly. “It’s a boy!”

  They both smiled wide. “Holy sugar plums! I’ve been waiting for this moment! Now I can start buying.” Mel jumped for joy.

  “Same here. O.M.G. This is so exciting, Lex! Wait until Jack hears, he’ll be having a nephew. Believe it or not, the guy is stoked to have a baby in the family.” Gabi grabbed Mel’s hand, shaking it with the same excitement.

  “Speaking of family, how is Imara? I haven’t heard from her.”

  “Oh, she’s around.” There was something in Gabi’s eyes that struck a cord with me.

  Imara was up to something. And it involved me.

  Chapter 34

  Lexi

  It’d been three days since I’d last seen Kellan. I thought time would make it easier, as with Kai, but it only grew harder. Everything reminded me of one of them.

  I was pushing past it today to focus on a meeting with…I sighed. It would be hard to see the Bladangs, minus Kai, today.

  Heading into my closet, I got lost in reminiscing about my shopping trip with Kai for a moment. I remembered how great he was, how complimentary he was that whole day. He’d coaxed me through my hesitation. He’d been amazing.

  I grabbed a short-sleeved, cream turtleneck and the navy blue cotton maxi dress Kai had loved on me. It had a deep-V front with wide shoulder straps and an empire waist design.

  I quickly changed and pulled my hair into a tight knot on top of my head. Stud earrings, the gold bird necklace Kai insisted looked great with the dress, and a pair of gold ballet flats completed my ensemble.

  I stuffed my phone in my teal Nine West purse and headed for the door.

  Drexel immediately fell into step behind me. “I’ll drive.”

  “Thanks.”

  As we stepped out into the cool October air, my chest expanded briefly. Gabi had been right. I hadn’t realized how stressful running the business had been while trying to manage everything else. It wasn’t always easy, but sometimes letting go was necessary.

  ***

  The conference room was ready when we arrived at the vamp army headquarters. I had my checkup appointment with Dr. H scheduled immediately after since he would be doing rounds at the army’s offices.

  I was immediately pulled back every time to when Rashik was still missing and I was staring out at my dedicated team. We’d been lucky not to lose anyone in the big battle.

  Kalel and Gabi gazed at me across the table. Kalel had brown eyes of steel today. I could tell he was still holding everything in. It wasn’t right, but it wasn’t my place to govern anyone’s grieving process.

  “Auggy is out looking for Javier with his team, so I wanted to pull you two together to see if one of you would send a Bladang representative with me.”

  “Where?” Kalel angled his head, observing me.

  “I know where Cecilia is.”

  He bristled, his eyes narrowing on me. “And you’re going alone?”

  “No, well yes, but no.” I fidgeted with my hands in my lap. “I’m taking Drex as the representative of the vamp army, I’ll represent the vampeen army and I wanted one Bladang soldier to represent you. I’m going to try to talk to her.”

  “You see exactly where talking got Kellan and you want to take the same path, the path that killed my brother?” he snarled, his eyes changing to black. The vein at his neck bulging out.

  I tried to fight the onslaught of memories, but they were relentless. I slipped beneath the weight of Kai’s death too fast. Tears welled before I could brace myself against them. I took several deep breaths before meeting his gaze. “It’s because of Kai that I’m doing this Kalel. No one else can die. We can’t let this continue.”

  Gabi sat primly at the table. She hadn't spoken. She’d been watching me the entire time though.

  “You’re not a miracle worker, Leka.”

  I glanced down at the table. “I know.” Had I been a miracle worker, Kai would still be alive and I’d still be with Kellan.

  “We’ll send Christian with you. But Lex…” I lifted my eyes to meet her gaze. She frowned as she stood up, apparently ready for the meeting to end. “Be careful. I can’t handle another major loss. I don’t think anyone is prepared for that.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Kalel snapped as Gabi headed for the door.

  “Dead serious.” She walked out the door.

  “He wouldn’t have allowed this. You know that.” He looked down at me.

  “Yeah, well, I’m single now, so I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

  Kalel froze. His focus immediately went to my left hand. He closed his eyes, sighing as he leaned back. “I’m sorry,” he said. As he opened his eyes, there was genuine, empathetic sorrow.

  “Don’t be. I’m better off alone than with someone who makes me out to be a dramatic diva.”

  “I doubt he meant to, Leka.” His voice was soft, careful.

  I smiled wistfully. “It seems I don’t know him at all anymore. At times I get a glimpse of a level-headed, loving fiancé who would do anything to protect me and our son, but at other times, the darkness in him surfaces and I don’t know who I’m with anymore or how he will react. I can’t walk around on eggshells forever. I don’t want my baby growing up in that kind of household.”

  “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

  “It’d gotten better after…” I stopped, unable to say it aloud. “But about a week later, he sort of snapped at me at an emotional point and I finally snapped back. I gave him back the ring and he took it and ran off.”

  He scrutinized me for a minute. “Are you sure you’re up for this mission? She’s going to sense your weakness the moment you walk in the door.”

  “I’m hoping to reason with her, not fight with her. I’m taking Kalia with me.”

  A single brow rose. “Why?”

  “At worst, we can use her as leverage. At best, we've made a good faith gesture.”

  He shook his head in understanding. “How are you getting there?”

  “Plane and then on foot.”

  “Do you need me to come back you up?”

  I gazed at him for a while. He reminded me of Kai sometimes. He didn’t have long hair, but they had the same brown eyes, the same tan hue to their skin, the same gentle gaze at times when they looked at me. “No, thanks. You need to work on yourself right now.”

  His features twisted slightly before he got a grip on his emotions. “Call me if you need anything.” He stood to leave.

  I nodded. “I will, thanks.” I glanced at my hands still fidgeting in my lap. As Kalel headed for the door, I whispered, “I miss him, you know.”

  He paused in front of the door, his head bowed in remembrance. “I know,” he conceded before he walked out.

  As the door closed, my emotions choked me. Tears stung my eyes, nausea rolling my stomach. I blinked repetitively, refusing to cry again. I couldn’t keep crying. It wasn’t going to bring either of them back. It did nothing but drain me. I knew it was ridding me of the emotions I no longer needed to hold onto, but it was too much for me. Maybe I wasn’t ready to let go.

  A knock sounded on the door before Derek walked in. “Hey, primo.”

  I plastered a smile on my face, as I turned towards him. “Hi.”

  He frowned immediately. “Don’t pull that fake crap with me.”

  I stiffened. Maybe taking him wasn’t a good idea. I could probably find the property without him. I’d thought about calling Al, but with Kellan and me no longer together, I didn’t feel right askin
g him.

  He studied me until I squirmed in my seat. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t do fake. Be straight with me or we’re done.”

  “Fine, I’ll put on my sad face and offend you with my general moodiness.”

  “You can try.” He shrugged, collapsing in a chair.

  “You’ve had a rough past, haven’t you?”

  His expression hardened. He clenched his jaw. “Like I said, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Alright, then I don’t want to talk about my own reasons.”

  “I’m good with that.”

  My expression turned sullen. “Is this how it’s always going to be with us? Related, but never close?”

  He leaned onto the table, his black t-shirt falling away from his body a bit. “Listen, Lex, I don’t bond with people, I don’t do relationships, I don’t do feelings. It’s nothing personal; it’s just me.”

  “Alright.” I guess I had to accept the fact that my aspirations weren’t always going to match up with everybody else's.

  “Now, I’m assuming you brought me here for more than a meet and greet, though that was sweet.”

  My brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

  “When they found out I was your cousin, they started introducing themselves like mad. Seems you’re a golden ticket in this place, primo.”

  His connotation didn’t sit well with me. “Please don’t use me like that. I’ll never deny our relation, but don’t use it in a negative way.”

  His gaze dropped down to my baby bump. “Are all pregnant women as sensitive as you?”

  “I resent that, mister,” I growled.

  He snickered. “I’ll take that as a yes. Before you get your nursing bra in a bunch though, I meant it as a compliment. They wouldn’t regard me the same without your name, which means you’ve earned their respect.”

  “Apology accepted. Now can we focus on why I did bring you here? I need a favor.”

  He arched his brow, an amused smirk on his face. “You’re giving me shit and all the while you want something from me? Ironic, isn’t it.”

  I glared at him, pinching my lips together.

  He held up his hands. “Alright. I’ll hear you out.”